Love is often seen as a powerful force that can change lives and bring people together. But what if love is mixed with narcissism? Can a relationship thrive if one person is too self-absorbed?
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality trait marked by grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, lack of empathy, and exploitative behavior. It often manifests as an exaggerated sense of entitlement and self-importance. Now, surely, we have all know someone who comes to mind when we read this definition.
But would you or could you be in a romantic relationship with a narcissist?
LET’S HAVE A LOOK
Many of us know that the word “narcissism” comes from the Greek mythology about a beautiful, young man named Narcissus, who was so taken by his own self that he falls in love with his own image in a pool of water and wastes his life away. He was so captivated by his own self he couldn’t pay heed to anything or anyone else. Not even Echo.
Echo is a lesser-known character from Greek mythology as well. It was said that Echo was madly in love with Narcissus, who as we know was too absorbed with his own self and later passed away still glorifying his own beauty, leaving poor Echo heartbroken.
While Narcissus wasted away his life staring at his own reflection, Echo wasted away hers crying and mourning over the death of Narcissus. Perhaps, her story is an important lesson for us. Despite their allure, charm, and achievements, a narcissist often struggles to extend their love, care & respect beyond themselves. But then those also struggle who attempt to formulate and sustain a romantic relationship with someone with narcissism.
It’s important to remember that a few narcissistic traits & tendencies does not equal a narcissistic personality. However, research shows how over the years the rate of observable narcissistic traits has increased globally. It has been observed how individualistic cultures or cultures where self-esteem is based on achievement might be nurturing narcissism along with low self-esteem. AND contrary to the popular opinion, a narcissist often has really low self-esteem.
It’s important to remember that we all hold the tendency to desire attention and recognition, and at times, we might display a degree of self-importance or insensitivity. This doesn’t mean we’re all narcissists or that we lack empathy or compassion for others. Thus, when discussing narcissism, it’s important to keep things in perspective.
Despite occasional displays of self-centeredness, many individuals still retain the capacity to exhibit care and sensitivity towards others. Therefore, it’s essential to evaluate whether one demonstrates empathy and compassion, at least to some degree, as a key indicator of judgment instead of straight up labelling someone. What you’re calling narcissism might be a lapse in someone’s communication skills.
When we attribute the label of “narcissist” to someone, it’s often because we’ve observed a consistent pattern of behavior marked by traits like self-importance, selfishness, and insensitivity.
According to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM- 5) persons with NPD usually display some or all of the following symptoms:
- Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people
- Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
- Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
- Needing continual admiration from others
- Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
- Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
- Unwilling to empathize with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people
- Intensely envious of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them
- Adamant to maintain an image of superiority
But, if a Narcissist is all that bad, how come people still fall for them?
Well, that’s because someone with Narcissism could be very charming and in the initial stages of a relationship, this charm can be very captivating. They often possess charisma, confidence, and an ability to sweep their partner off their feet, especially for the first few months. They possess an uncanny ability to captivate others with their magnetism, drawing any individual towards them. However, beneath the surface lies a deeper complexity—a profound sense of insecurity.
Perhaps, this dissonance between how a narcissist partner acts VS how they really feel or what their intentions really are make up for the very issues of romantic entanglements one might experience when dating someone who is a narcissist.
As a partner, you might grapple with the paradoxical nature of their affections. Not knowing what to expect and when. This uncertainty can be extremely distressing, often leaving you to try to please them however you can, which can be detrimental for your self esteem, especially if your efforts go unappreciated or even misunderstood.
One of the defining features of narcissistic relationships is the imbalance of power. Narcissists often wield control over their partners, using tactics such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and emotional blackmail to maintain dominance. Their inflated sense of self-importance leaves little room for compromise or empathy, resulting in a one-sided dynamic where your needs as a partner are routinely disregarded.
Perhaps, as a romantic partner of a narcissist, you might find yourself taken by the intensity of their attention and the illusion of being adored. Yet, as the relationship progresses, cracks begin to appear in the facade, revealing the narcissist’s penchant for manipulation and exploitation.
Moreover, such romantic entanglements with narcissists can have profound psychological repercussions. The manipulation & control tactics used by them may cause you as a partner to experience an erosion of self-worth and identity.
You might even attempt to change oneself to fit the narcissist’s idealized image. The constant cycle of validation and invalidation perpetuates a sense of emotional instability, leaving one feeling trapped in a perpetual quest for approval from their narcissistic better half.
However, amidst the turmoil and disillusionment, there exists the potential for growth and self-discovery. You know? If you’re one to make lemonades when life gives you lemons.
For some people at least, the very experience of a narcissistic relationship serves as a catalyst for personal transformation, prompting them to reevaluate their own worth and priorities. Through introspection and self-reflection, individuals may emerge from the wreckage with a newfound sense of resilience and self-awareness. It could prompt you as a partner to confront uncomfortable truths about power dynamics, boundaries, and the nature of love itself.
Perhaps, in confronting the complexities of your relationship with someone with narcissism, you may cultivate a deeper understanding of empathy and compassion, both for yourself and others.
Ultimately, the question remains: Can romantic love coexist with narcissism?
Navigating a romantic relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits will always be challenging, but if you wish to give it a try, there are only a few things you can do. They include:
- Setting boundaries: Clearly communicate your needs and boundaries. An individual with narcissism may push your boundaries, so it’s essential to be firm and consistent in enforcing them.
- Practicing self-care: Take care of your own emotional well-being. Maintain hobbies, friendships, and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Seeking support: Consider seeking therapy or support groups to help you cope with the challenges of the relationship and to gain insight into healthy boundaries and communication strategies.
- Being realistic: Understand that you cannot change the narcissistic individual. Focus on managing your own reactions and expectations rather than trying to change them.
- Communicating effectively: Use assertive communication techniques to express your thoughts and feelings clearly. Avoid getting drawn into power struggles or manipulative behavior.
- Assessing the relationship: Is the relationship healthy? Is it fulfilling YOUR needs along with your partner’s? If not; If its becoming becomes toxic or abusive, prioritize your own well-being and consider seeking help to exit the relationship safely.
These strategies can help you find peace of mind when dealing with a narcissistic partner. Beyond these, there are also ways to support your partner in addressing their issues, though remember—it’s not your sole responsibility. The idea of “fixing” them is outdated; you’re not obligated to take that on.
Nonetheless, here are some additional ways to help your partner that involve both of you:
- Express concern: Approach the topic with empathy and care. Let them know that you care about their well-being and that seeking help can lead to personal growth and improved relationships.
- Provide resources: Offer information about therapy options, support groups, or mental health professionals who specialize in treating narcissistic personality disorder or related issues.
- Be supportive: Offer to accompany them to therapy sessions or support groups if they’re open to it. Reassure them that seeking help is a courageous step towards self-awareness and personal growth.
- Be patient: Change takes time, and individuals with narcissistic traits may be resistant to therapy or self-reflection initially. Encourage them to take small steps towards seeking help and be patient as they navigate the process
How can counselling help the both of you?
- Counseling allows for both you & your partner to put forth their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and honestly in a safe environment, infusing a sense of connection between you two, due to being able to see each other’s point of views.
- Counselors can teach conflict resolution skills and techniques to help partners navigate disagreements and conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner.
- Counseling can offer a safe space for emotional expressions and validation to both you and your partner. It will also allow you both to learn how to support each other during difficult times bringing you two closer.
- Counselors can help you both identify and understand unhealthy relationship patterns or dynamics that may be contributing to issues in the relationship. By gaining insight into these patterns, you both can work together to make positive changes and build a healthier relationship.
- Along with being beneficial for your relationships, counselling can promote individual personal growth and self-awareness for both partners where in you can learn to identify areas for self-improvement and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
- Finally, counselling will help you realize the direction you both would wish to take in this relationship & how to go about it.
Ultimately, you’ll find that it becomes essential to prioritize your own emotional health and well-being in any relationship. If the relationship with an individual with narcissism becomes unhealthy or detrimental to your well-being, it may be necessary to reassess the relationship and consider your options moving forward.
The question of whether romantic love can thrive in the presence of narcissism is deeply subjective and nuanced. Some individuals may find themselves entangled in a web of manipulation and disillusionment, while others may discover unforeseen reservoirs of strength and resilience. A select few might find ways to manage the challenges, allowing them to remain in the relationship.
Although, what’s not really subjective is that you will always deserve a partner who regards you as an equal, appreciating your worth in every aspect.
If you’re looking for counselling or psychotherapy, please book a session online using our calendar.
