Have you ever felt drawn to someone who seems confident but leaves you feeling drained or undermined? They make you feel like the centre of their world, but over time, things start to feel… different. Maybe they’re unusually self-centred, or perhaps you’ve noticed a lack of empathy in moments when you needed support the most. You start to wonder: are these just quirks, or could they be signs of something deeper?
If you’re in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits, it doesn’t necessarily spell the end. It does, however, mean the relationship may look and feel quite different from others you’ve experienced. Being with a narcissist can involve unique challenges, from shifting your expectations to potentially facing manipulative behaviours and moments of emotional drain. Understanding what you’re up against—and whether it’s something you can navigate—may just be the first step to finding clarity, whether you stay or go.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder usually lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are unsure of their self-worth and get easily upset by the slightest criticism. Because NPD is classified as a Cluster B personality disorder, it’s primarily marked by behaviours that can be intense, dramatic, unpredictable, and emotional.
However, not all narcissists behave in the same way, and there are varying types of narcissism that reflect different expressions of this disorder. For someone with NPD, narcissistic traits are a continuous, deeply ingrained part of who they are. This often results in recurrent, pervasive difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships due to a persistent pattern of viewing themselves as superior to others.
Difference Between NPD And Narcissistic Traits
It’s important to recognize that while some people may exhibit narcissistic behaviours or attitudes, these don’t necessarily indicate Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). NPD is a clinically diagnosed mental health condition, defined by a distinct set of symptoms that shape how someone consistently thinks, feels, and interacts with others.
For someone with NPD, narcissistic traits are a continuous, deeply ingrained part of who they are. This often results in recurrent, pervasive difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships due to a persistent pattern of viewing themselves as superior to others.
Here are a few examples that help illustrate the difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and narcissistic traits:
Self-Importance and Superiority
NPD: A person with NPD consistently believes they are more important or superior to others in nearly all situations. They view themselves as deserving special treatment, often feeling entitled to success, admiration, and status regardless of their actual achievements. This belief is deeply ingrained and persists across different contexts.
Narcissistic Trait: Someone with narcissistic traits may occasionally feel proud or “above” others after an achievement, such as being the best performer in a project or getting a promotion. This sense of superiority is temporary and situation-specific and doesn’t persist in their relationships or interactions overall.
Need for Admiration
NPD: A person with NPD craves admiration constantly and often uses others solely for this purpose. They may seek out friendships or romantic relationships with people who make them feel special and will quickly lose interest if the admiration wanes.
Narcissistic Trait: Someone may enjoy praise and attention after an accomplishment, like winning an award, but doesn’t rely on admiration as a core need. Once the moment passes, they return to their usual interactions without a strong need to seek further validation.
Empathy and Emotional Awareness
NPD: Someone with NPD typically has a long-term lack of empathy, often failing to consider how their actions impact others. They might manipulate others to achieve their goals without guilt or awareness of the harm they’re causing.
Narcissistic Trait: A person with narcissistic traits may occasionally put their own needs above others or struggle to empathize in specific scenarios (like during a heated argument). However, they’re usually capable of understanding and caring about others’ feelings once emotions have calmed.
Response to Criticism
NPD: Criticism is often intolerable for someone with NPD, and they may react with anger, defensiveness, or even rage, regardless of the intent or context. They might blame others or lash out to protect their fragile self-esteem, seeing any critique as a threat to their self-worth.
Narcissistic Trait: Someone with narcissistic traits may feel defensive when criticized, especially about something important to them, but they can typically handle feedback without extreme reactions. They may be open to making changes after reflecting on the criticism.
Relationship Dynamics
NPD: A person with NPD tends to approach relationships transactionally, using others to boost their own self-worth. They may manipulate, exploit, or discard people when they’re no longer useful. This is a constant pattern across relationships and not limited to isolated instances.
Narcissistic Trait: A person with narcissistic traits might sometimes prioritize their own needs over others’ or seek validation in a relationship, but they are generally capable of mutual support and empathy. Their tendency to seek attention may appear occasionally without dominating the relationship.
These examples clarify that NPD involves persistent, pervasive behaviors that affect all areas of a person’s life, while narcissistic traits are situational and may not interfere significantly with a person’s ability to maintain healthy, reciprocal relationships.
Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist
Many people with narcissistic tendencies aren’t aware of their own behaviour, which can make a relationship with them challenging and, at times, emotionally taxing.
Here are some red flags of narcissism to look out for:
- Lack of empathy; little to no desire for emotional intimacy.
- Unrealistic sense of entitlement; expects special treatment.
- Needs constant attention; feels distressed if ignored.
- Displays arrogant attitudes, boasting about success or looks.
- Exploits others; friendships may be self-serving.
- Obsessed with fantasies of power, success, or beauty.
- Acts as if they’re uniquely “special.”
- Envious of others or assumes others are envious of them.
Can You Successfully Date A Narcissist?
Narcissism exists on a spectrum, which means how challenging a person with narcissism is to date can vary significantly. This means that if you have strong feelings for someone with narcissism, there is hope and you don’t necessarily need to end the relationship right away.
However, you may also want to prepare yourself for a potentially different type of relationship dynamic than you may be used to. As a result, you will likely want to develop healthy coping strategies and understand the limits of your relationship. Ensuring you have a good support system outside of your relationship can also be incredibly helpful.
In short, you can sustain a relationship with a narcissist but it will likely require adjusting expectations and realizing you may not get all you want and need from the relationship.
Tips for Dating a Narcissist
Dating a narcissist can be a challenging experience that often takes a toll on your emotional well-being. It’s crucial to prioritize self-care through this journey. Here are some essential tips to keep in mind.
Set and maintain boundaries – Communicate your limits firmly, whether it’s about personal space, emotional topics, or time apart. By doing so, you protect your self-esteem and reinforce that your needs matter.
Seek Support – Surround yourself with a solid support system. Share your feelings and experiences with friends or family who understand what you’re going through. They can offer you validation and a fresh perspective, reminding you of your worth and providing comfort during emotional turbulence.
Don’t Blame Yourself – It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame when dealing with a narcissist. Their manipulative tactics can make you feel inadequate or at fault. Acknowledging that you are not responsible for their actions is vital for healing and rebuilding your self-confidence.
Recognise Signs Of Gaslighting – Narcissistic people often manipulate partners by making them question their perception of reality. Signs of narcissistic gaslighting include minimizing your feelings, dismissing your view of a situation, or completely denying events you know are true.
Know When to Leave – Sometimes, the best form of self-care is recognizing when a relationship is toxic and deciding to leave. If the relationship is causing you consistent pain, anxiety, or emotional distress, it might be time to reevaluate your circumstances.
Dating a narcissist is not easy, but with these self-care tips, you can regain control over your emotional well-being. You must remind yourself that you deserve love, respect, and a partner who values you just as you are.
How to Navigate Dating A Narcissist?
If you think you might be dating a narcissist, you might be feeling confused about how to move forward. This could hold true, especially if your feelings run deep. It’s important to remember that narcissism is a mental health issue, so these individuals don’t consciously choose to behave this way.
Often, people with narcissistic traits grapple with low self-esteem and exhibit grandiose behaviours as a way to protect themselves. You might find that, at times, their actions are hurtful and leave you feeling confused or sidelined. Before you decide to end the relationship, take a moment to reflect on your comfort level with this dynamic. It could be a chance for growth, both for you and your partner.
Seeking therapy could also be a valuable option, providing support and perspective as you figure things out. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey!
Our therapists are happy to help you find the right support. Feel free to book a session with them using our online calendar.
