Let’s be real—familial relationships can be… complicated.
You love them. They love you. But sometimes, it feels like you’re all just coexisting under the same roof, or connected only by blood and obligation. The conversations are routine, the emotional exchange limited, and somewhere along the way, you’ve accepted the distance as normal.
But what if it didn’t have to be that way?
What if you could feel seen, understood, and emotionally connected within your family—not just on birthdays or Diwali, but in everyday life?
Adding depth to familial relationships doesn’t always require a grand family intervention or tearful Bollywood-style reunions. It just takes a little intention and a whole heart.
Let’s break it down.
1. Don’t just ask “How was your day?”—ask what moved them
Your mother walks in after a long day. You ask, “How was work?”
She shrugs, says “The usual,” and moves on. End of conversation.
Now imagine this:
You: “What was the best part of your day today?” Mom (pauses, then smiles): “Actually, one of my students said something that made me laugh so hard…”
Boom. You’re no longer scratching the surface.
Try asking your sibling:
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“What made you smile today?”
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“What’s something that annoyed you recently but you haven’t had the chance to vent about?”
Questions like these signal: I want to know you, not just about you.
2. Revisit shared history—with fresh curiosity
You’ve probably heard your dad’s “back in my day” stories 87 times. But have you really asked him how he felt during those moments?
Go beyond the events. Ask about the emotions.
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“When you left your hometown for your first job, were you scared?”
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“When you and mom got married, what was your biggest hope?”
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“When I was born, what were you feeling?”
You’ll be surprised how many new stories you uncover—stories they never thought to share, because no one ever asked.
And it’s not just parents. Ask your sibling:
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“What was your experience like growing up with me?”
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“Did you ever feel like I got more attention—or less?”
Yes, some answers might be uncomfortable. But that’s where emotional depth comes in. Research shows that a strong & positive sibling relationship can reduce feelings of loneliness and depression later in life, offering emotional support that lasts well into adulthood.
3. Practice “micro-vulnerability”
You don’t have to spill your soul at the dinner table (unless you want to). Start small.
Tell your brother, “Hey, I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from the family lately, and I want to work on that.”
Or admit to your mom, “Sometimes I act aloof because I don’t know how to talk about stuff, but I do want to connect more.”
These are invitations, not declarations. And more often than not, your vulnerability will invite theirs.
4. Break out of roles you’ve been stuck in
Maybe you’re the “rebellious daughter.” Or the “quiet one.” Or the “peacemaker.”
Families are notorious for locking people into fixed roles. But the truth is, you’re not the same person you were at 13—and neither are they.
Surprise them. Show up differently.
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If you’ve always been distant, try initiating a family plan.
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If you’ve always avoided emotion, try sharing how you’re really feeling.
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If you’ve always clashed with a sibling, try affirming something about them.
Sometimes, adding depth means rewriting the script.
5. Cook or clean together—and talk while doing it
Sounds basic, but hear me out.
Doing something mundane together can create a surprisingly emotional space. The pressure is off. There’s no eye contact overload. You’re chopping onions or doing jhaadu, and suddenly, deeper conversations sneak in.
Try it.
While making chai with your mom, ask:
“Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t get the chance?”
While doing dishes with your sibling, say:
“I’ve been thinking about how different we’ve become— How do you perceive it?”
6. Acknowledge unspoken tensions gently
Brown families, especially, have a PhD in not talking about the elephant in the room.
But silence doesn’t heal wounds—it just buries them.
That time your cousin snapped at you during a wedding and it was never discussed? That sarcastic comment your mom made about your career? That quiet resentment you carry because your brother got more freedom?
You don’t have to go full confrontation. Try curiosity instead of criticism.
“Hey, I might be wrong, but I felt a little hurt by what happened. Can we talk about it?”
If you create safety in the way you bring it up, you might just be surprised at how open they are or can learn to become!
7. Celebrate the small things out loud
We often wait for huge milestones to express pride or affection in families. But those small, everyday affirmations? They build emotional closeness like nothing else.
Say:
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“I saw how patient you were with dad today. That was really kind.”
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“I don’t say this enough, but you’ve become such a responsible person.”
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“You cooked today? That’s awesome—I appreciate it!”
These don’t have to be grand. Just real.
Everyone, even the most stoic chachu or sassy teenage cousin, wants to feel seen.
8. Let your affection be visible and frequent
Especially in South Asian families, where love often shows up in the form of cutting fruit or checking if you’ve eaten, verbal or physical affection is rare.
But that doesn’t mean it’s not needed.
Start by offering it—without expecting it back.
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Hug your mom unexpectedly.
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Text your dad, “Thanks for always supporting me—even in your own quiet way.”
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Tell your sister, “You’re genuinely one of my favorite people.”
It might feel awkward at first. That’s okay. Let it be awkward. Say it anyway.
Because over time, that awkwardness turns into warmth.
9. Make time without an occasion
Many of us only truly connect with extended family at weddings, funerals, or festivals. But what if you created smaller, regular touchpoints?
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A once-a-month lunch with your parents without phones.
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A spontaneous walk with your sibling.
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A call to your nani just to hear a story from her past.
Relationships grow in the mundane, not just the memorable. Create small rituals that say—you matter to me, even when there’s no occasion.
10. Allow them to grow, too
Sometimes, we forget that our family members are evolving humans, not static characters.
Your dad may be more open to emotional conversations now than he was 10 years ago.
Your mom might be rediscovering herself after years of caregiving.
Your sibling may be unlearning toxic masculinity and trying to become more emotionally available.
Give them the benefit of growth & rekindle with them, in case you couldn’t earlier.
Lastly,
You don’t always need a life changing family experience to create depth. You need curiosity. Presence. And a willingness to go beyond the routine.
If you’re looking for counselling or psychotherapy, please book a session online using our calendar.
