Anger is one of the most intense and uncontrollable emotions we experience. The intensity of your anger can range from profound annoyance to extreme rage. It’s normal and healthy to feel angry from time to time in response to certain situations. The truth is, that anger often stems from deeper, underlying issues that we may not be consciously aware of. Usually, people avoid getting angry because it is an uncomfortable feeling to process. But today, we will explore the possible reasons behind persistent anger, how it affects your life, and most importantly, how you can start addressing it.
Why Do We Get Angry?
Anger is a complex emotion that is influenced by both biological and psychological factors. Biologically, anger is often linked to the “fight or flight” response. When we perceive a threat, our body releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which prepare us to confront danger. This response is deeply rooted in our survival instincts, but in modern life, these triggers can be activated by everyday stressors, leading to frequent bouts of anger. Additionally, certain brain structures like the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions, and the prefrontal cortex, which regulates impulse control, play crucial roles. Imbalances in neurotransmitters like serotonin can also make it harder to manage anger, leading to heightened aggression.
Psychologically, anger can stem from a range of experiences and thought patterns. Unresolved trauma, feelings of helplessness, or unmet needs often contribute to chronic anger. For example, if someone feels consistently disrespected or invalidated, they may become prone to outbursts. Cognitive factors, such as negative thinking or misinterpretation of situations, can also fuel anger. For instance, believing that others are intentionally trying to provoke or hurt us can trigger intense emotions. Understanding these biological and psychological influences is crucial for learning to manage and address anger effectively.
Signs That Anger Is Harming Us
Anger can be unhelpful if it:
- Is distracting you from what you need to do
- Makes you say or do things you regret
- Makes it harder for you to express yourrself clearly or calmly
- Stops you from recognising or dealing with other emotions
- Has a negative effect on your body such as disturbance in sleep
Anger is an emotion that must be processed. This is because usually it is only a surface level manifestation of something much more hurtful within. Underneath anger is a sense of dissatisfaction, feeling of humiliation or being treated unfairly. One could feel emotionally distant, withdrawn, or betrayed. Anger can take a turn for the worst in some cases:
- Internalised anger can cause you to self-harm
- You’re worried your behaviour may become abusive
- Your anger is having a negative effect on your relationships, work, studies or hobbies
- Your anger is often hurting, frightening or upsetting the people around you
- Your anger is having a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health
- Anger is becoming your go-to emotion, blocking out your ability to feel other emotions
- Your anger regularly makes you feel worse about yourself or your life
- You can’t remember things you do or say when you’re angry
- You’re using alcohol or drugs to cope with your anger
Strategies To Manage Anger
Managing anger effectively requires a combination of awareness, self-control, and practical techniques. In this section, we’ll explore strategies that can help you gain control over your anger, respond calmly to triggering situations, and develop healthier ways to express your feelings. These techniques will empower you to handle anger in a way that benefits both your mental well-being and your relationships. We have provided a few short term and long term coping techniques below.
Short Term Strategies
Accepting the feeling without assigning any meaning to it or understanding the ‘why’.
Take yourself out of the situation. You could go for a walk, go to a different room or log off if the situation is online.
Focus on what’s around you. Try listing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.
Use a grounding object. Keep a small object with you to hold and focus on when you feel angry. For example, you could use a marble, a fidget toy or a piece of fabric.
Long Term Strategies
Observing Your Triggers – Triggers often present common themes which help anticipate and manage your reactions before they escalate. Understanding your triggers enables you to take a step back, allowing you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Therapy – A trained therapist can help you uncover the root causes of your anger, whether it stems from past trauma, unresolved conflicts, or ongoing stress. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with healthier responses.
Examine Your Thought Patterns – Often, anger is fueled by irrational or exaggerated thoughts like “I can’t stand this” or “This is unfair.” Learning to identify and challenge these thought patterns can be transformative. When you feel anger rising, take a moment to examine your thoughts: Are they based on facts or assumptions? Are you blowing things out of proportion?
Practice Effective Communication – Instead of reacting impulsively or bottling up your emotions, practice expressing your feelings in a calm and assertive way. Use “I” statements to convey how you feel without blaming others (e.g., “I feel upset when…”). Listening actively to others’ perspectives also helps reduce misunderstandings, creating a space for more constructive dialogue.
Make Any Necessary Lifestyle Changes – Sometimes, anger is exacerbated by lifestyle factors such as stress, lack of sleep, poor diet, or a sedentary routine. Regular physical activity, for instance, helps reduce stress and releases endorphins, which improve mood. Mindfulness practices like meditation and yoga can help you stay grounded, making it easier to manage anger when it arises. Additionally, maintaining a balanced diet and getting adequate sleep can significantly improve emotional regulation.
How Can You Support Someone Experiencing Anger?
It can be difficult to selfless be there for someone, even if they are a family member. It is hard to see them struggle with their feelings and not know how to deal with them any better. Extending empathy and understanding to our significant others can be challenging. And sometimes, for our own mental peace, we have to take a step back.
Here are a few ways to support someone through this rough patch:
Try to listen to them. If possible, allow them time to communicate their feelings without judgement. Often when someone feels that they’re being listened to, they are more able to hear other people’s points of view as well. Additionally, this venting might help them relax altogether.
Give them space. If you notice that continuing the conversation is making it worse, give them space to calm down and think. This could be something like going into another room for a while, or spending a few days apart. It’s important to give yourself space as well, so you don’t find yourself getting too angry.
Set boundaries. Be clear in advance about what sort of behaviour is and isn’t acceptable to you. And think about what action you can take if someone crosses the line. You don’t have to put up with any behaviour that makes you feel unsafe or seriously affects your own wellbeing.
Look after your own wellbeing. It can be difficult at times to support someone else, so make sure you’re looking after your own wellbeing too.
Changing The Lens
Anger is often seen as a negative emotion, but it actually serves as a powerful messenger, signaling that something in our environment or within ourselves needs attention. When we experience anger, it’s usually because a boundary has been crossed, an expectation hasn’t been met, or we feel disrespected or threatened. It’s a protective mechanism.
By understanding what anger is trying to convey, we can gain valuable insights into our feelings, values, and unmet needs. Managing anger takes time, patience, and effort, but with the right strategies, it’s possible to gain control and channel it in a healthy way. Remember, it’s not about eliminating anger entirely but learning to listen to what it’s trying to tell us and using that knowledge to build a more balanced and fulfilling life.
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