Infidelity shakes the foundation of a relationship. Whether you’re the one who was faithful or the one who broke trust, it leaves behind tough questions—Can we move past this? Is trust something that can be rebuilt, or will this always be between us? Is trying again even worth it?
Some couples choose to walk away, while others want to try. But trying again isn’t just about staying together—it’s about deciding whether your relationship can evolve into something healthier, stronger, and more honest than before. That’s not an easy path, and it’s definitely not a quick one.
If you’re reading this, maybe you’re in the middle of that crossroads. Or maybe you’re just trying to understand how couples move forward after something so difficult. Either way, this isn’t about simple answers or clichés. This is about what rebuilding trust actually looks like, what questions you need to ask yourselves, and how to figure out whether love can grow again.
Let’s talk about it.
First, Take a Breath—You Don’t Have to Decide Right Away
After betrayal, emotions run high. Anger, sadness, confusion, numbness—it’s a messy storm. Some couples rush to “fix” things, while others pull away completely. But healing isn’t a race. If you feel like you need time to process, take it.
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel pressured to forgive before I’m ready?
- Am I making decisions based on what I truly want or out of fear?
- What do I need to feel safe right now?
If you’re the one who was betrayed, remember: Your feelings are valid. You don’t have to minimize your pain just because your partner feels guilty.
If you’re the one who broke the trust, you might want to “prove” you’ve changed right away. But patience is key. The damage wasn’t done overnight, and healing won’t happen overnight either.
Understanding Why It Happened (Without Excusing It)
Cheating is rarely just about attraction. It’s often about something deeper—loneliness, emotional disconnection, personal insecurities, or unresolved relationship issues. That doesn’t mean it’s justified, but understanding why it happened can help you both move forward.
For the partner who was faithful, it’s tempting to see the betrayal as a simple black-and-white issue. They cheated. They broke us. End of story. But relationships are layered. And if you want to rebuild, you’ll need to unpack what led to this.
Hard but important questions:
- Was something missing in our emotional connection?
- Were we avoiding conflicts instead of resolving them?
- Have there been smaller betrayals of trust (like lying or emotional distance) even before the affair?
And if you’re the one who was unfaithful, you need to be brutally honest with yourself:
- What were you really seeking? Attention? Excitement? Validation?
- Did you feel emotionally or physically disconnected in the relationship?
- Have you taken full accountability, or are you still blaming external circumstances?
Accountability doesn’t mean self-hate—it means owning what happened without deflecting or making excuses. You both deserve honesty, from yourselves & each other.
Can You Rebuild Trust? Research Says…
Trust is like glass—once shattered, it never looks the same again. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be reframed and rebuilt with time & efforts.
Therapist Esther Perel has extensively studied relationships and emotional healing. She talked about Infidelity in her Ted talk wherein she suggested that some couples come out stronger after betrayal—not because cheating is ever “good,” but because the process forces them to have conversations, they had been avoiding for years giving them a chance at increasing intimacy. For some, the betrayal becomes a breaking point that pushes the relationship into a more honest and intentional phase.
What rebuilding trust actually looks like:
- Consistency over time (not just big gestures but everyday actions)
- Transparency (being open about where you are, who you’re with)
- Patience (healing isn’t linear, and there will be setbacks)
- Genuine remorse (not just guilt, but a deep understanding of the hurt caused)
What rebuilding trust does NOT look like:
- “You should be over this by now”
- “I already said sorry, what more do you want?”
- Manipulating your partner into “moving on” faster than they’re ready
- Constantly throwing the betrayal in your partner’s face every time there’s an argument
Should You Stay or Walk Away?
Not every relationship survives infidelity, and that’s okay. Love is important, but so is self-respect and emotional safety.
Signs it might be worth trying again:
- The partner who was unfaithful shows genuine remorse and is willing to do the work.
- The betrayed partner is open to healing (even if they’re not ready to forgive yet).
- You both still feel like the relationship has something worth fighting for.
Signs it might be time to leave:
- The unfaithful partner downplays what happened or shifts blame.
- There’s repeated betrayal or dishonesty.
- The relationship was already unhealthy before the infidelity.
- This isn’t the first time they’ve been unfaithful.
- The betrayed partner feels like they’ll never truly trust again.
How to Move Forward—Together
If you both decide to stay and try again, here’s what actually helps:
1. Set Clear Boundaries
What do you need to feel safe again? — Drop your defenses and be vulnerable, both of you. Maybe it’s access to each other’s phones, open conversations about where you are, or reassurance & appreciation about small, thoughtful actions. Boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about rebuilding security.
2. Therapy Helps (Seriously, It Does)
A lot of couples think, We can fix this ourselves. But infidelity shakes the foundation of a relationship. A good therapist can help you process emotions, communicate better, and create a roadmap for healing.
Therapist is probably the only healthy third party you should involve in your relationship, because unlike everyone else, they’ll actively try to have an unbiased view of you both & will help you build a united front against your issues.
3. The Unfaithful Partner Has to Lead the Healing (Without Rushing It)
If you’re the one who cheated, understand that healing is on their timeline, not yours. Be willing to answer the same questions over & over again, have uncomfortable conversations, and show—through actions, not just words—that you’re different now and keep it up this time.
4. The Betrayed Partner Has to Decide If They Want to Forgive (And That’s Their Choice)
Forgiveness isn’t about letting the other person “off the hook”—it’s about freeing yourself from resentment. But it has to be genuine. If you force forgiveness before you’re ready, it will only lead to suppressed anger and resentment later.
What If Love Can’t Be the Same Again?
That’s okay. Some couples never return to how things were—but maybe that’s not the goal. Maybe the goal is to create something new—a love that is raw, honest, and built on deeper understanding.
Infidelity can end a relationship. But for some, it becomes the catalyst for growth, for conversations that should’ve happened long ago, for a love that is rebuilt with more intention than ever.
So, should you try again? Only you can answer that. But whatever you decide, make sure it’s a decision that prioritizes your self-respect, emotional well-being, and long-term happiness, because you deserve a love that feels safe, honest, and true.
If you’re looking for individual or couples’ counselling or psychotherapy, please book a session online using our calendar.
