Parenting—it’s a wild, messy, and beautiful adventure. Whether you’re expecting your first baby, wrangling toddlers, or trying to figure out how to connect with your teenager, you’re in for a ride! Let’s talk about how to do it right (spoiler alert: “right” doesn’t mean perfect).
What Kind of Parent Are You?
Before diving into the “how-tos,” let’s explore the different styles of parenting. Quick quiz time:
- Do you often say, “Because I said so, that’s why”?
- Are you the kind who lets their kids eat ice cream for dinner sometimes, just for fun?
- Or do you try to balance rules with freedom?
Your answers might hint at your parenting style. Psychologists often talk about four main types:
- Authoritarian: The “Strict Rulebook” Parent.
- These parents demand obedience, set strict rules, and often don’t explain the “why” behind their decisions. Think of it as “my way or the highway.”
- Example: Your child asks why they can’t stay up late, and you reply, “Because I said so.” End of discussion.
- Permissive: The “Cool” Parent.
- These parents are lenient, avoid confrontation, and often act more like a friend than a parent.
- Example: Your child wants to skip school, and you’re like, “Sure, as long as you’re happy.”
- Neglectful: The “Absent” Parent.
- These parents are uninvolved, providing little guidance or attention. Life’s demands or personal struggles might pull them away.
- Authoritative: The “Best of Both Worlds” Parent.
- These parents combine warmth with structure. They set rules but explain the reasons behind them and consider their child’s feelings.
- Example: Your child wants to stay up late, and you say, “I get it, you’re not tired. But sleep is important for your health, so let’s compromise: 30 extra minutes, and then it’s bedtime.”
Why Authoritative Parenting Wins
Research shows that authoritative parenting leads to happier, more confident, and resilient kids. Why? It strikes a balance. You’re not a dictator, but you’re also not a pushover. Your child knows they’re loved and supported, but they also understand boundaries.
So, how can you practice authoritative parenting? Let’s break it down.
1. Set Clear Rules (and Stick to Them)
Kids thrive on structure. They might groan about rules, but deep down, clear boundaries & stability makes them feel safe. The trick? Make the rules clear and reasonable.
Example:
- Instead of saying, “Don’t make a mess,” try, “Please put your toys away after playing. That way, we can keep the room neat and safe.”
Bonus tip: Be consistent. If bedtime is 8:30 PM, don’t change it to 10:00 PM just because they beg. Flexibility is good, but inconsistency confuses kids. Be warm, but firm!
2. Explain the “Why”
Ever heard a toddler ask, “Why?” a thousand times? Use that curiosity to your advantage. When you explain the reason behind a rule, kids are more likely to follow it.
Example:
- Rule: “No dessert before dinner.”
- Explanation: “If you eat sweets now, you won’t be hungry for dinner, and you need dinner to grow strong and healthy.”
Pro tip: Keep it age-appropriate. A teenager will appreciate a more detailed explanation than a 5-year-old.
3. Listen (Like, Really Listen)
Parenting isn’t just about talking; it’s about listening too. Kids, no matter their age, want to feel heard. When they share their thoughts, don’t dismiss them.
Example:
- Your teen says, “I’m so stressed about school.”
- Response: Instead of “You’ll be fine,” try, “I hear you. School can be overwhelming. Want to talk about what’s stressing you out?”
Listening shows respect and builds trust.
4. Offer Choices
Giving kids choices helps them feel empowered. It’s a subtle way of teaching decision-making while still maintaining control.
Example:
- Instead of saying, “Wear this outfit,” try, “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?”
Pro tip: For younger kids, limit the options to two or three to avoid overwhelming them.
5. Be a Role Model
Kids are like sponges—they absorb everything they see. Want them to be respectful, kind, and patient? Show those qualities in your behavior.
Example:
- If you want your child to say “please” and “thank you,” make sure you’re using those words regularly.
Bonus: Apologize when you mess up. You saying “I’m sorry” when you make a mistake will teach them accountability. And NO– it doesn’t make you any lesser.
6. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results
Whether it’s a school project or a soccer game, focus on the effort your child puts in, not just the outcome. This builds resilience and a growth mindset. Your child’s sense of being loved shouldn’t depend on whether they win or lose at something– it needs to stay unconditional.
Example:
- Instead of “Good job on getting an A,” try, “I’m so proud of how hard you studied for that test.”
7. Create Quality Time
Life gets busy, but kids need one-on-one time with you. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Even 15 minutes of focused attention can make a difference.
Ideas:
- Play a board game.
- Cook dinner together or just have a beverage together & chat away.
- Go for a walk.
8. Manage Your Reactions
Kids will push your buttons. It’s inevitable. But how you react can set the tone for how conflicts are resolved.
Example:
- Instead of yelling when they spill milk, take a deep breath and say, “Accidents happen. Let’s clean it up together.” Just delay your urge to yell for 10 seconds of deep breathing. That’s it.
Pro tip: Take a time out every now & then. It’s okay for parents to pause too!
9. Encourage Independence
Your goal isn’t to raise a child; it’s to raise an adult. Encourage independence by letting them take on age-appropriate responsibilities.
Example:
- A preschooler can help set the table.
- A teenager can manage their own homework schedule.
Letting go can be hard, but it’s essential for their growth.
10. Break The Cycle- Don’t be your parent
